first love

Focus On Me

I would hope that you could give up on what you would like to see in me and focus on the real me. It is then you can watch me do me, even though I know that it won’t happen anytime soon. That’s fine for now… I’ll just continue on with my life until your eyes can adjust to what it is that I am doing because I can’t stop living because it’s not within your scope of vision. I wish I could hold your hand right now but you’re just going to have to come and grab it.


Love Matters Line #6: the last line

You have to be up for it.



See the poem in it’s entirety Love Matter Series


Can’t Control This Girl #3 (final)

You thought you had me to follow your orders,

you forgot that I was swayed by your love and not by your power.

Seeing how the love is gone,

I got a got a few things to say.

Yes, you may have been my first love

But I’m guaranteeing that you won’t be my last.

I’m leaving, even if that means I can’t find somebody else.

Because I have myself and

there shouldn’t be any reason to lose her.

Soul Changer

If you want to see more of these beautiful paintings…click this image. Thank you My Modern Metropolis for hosting such a site of such beauty and awe inspiring art.

I don’t know why you looked at me

The way you did,

It was as if you saw something in me

that I couldn’t see in myself.

And I might not ever get the chance to thank you,

But in the occasion of the moment

When your gaze fell upon me,

It moved me.


I wanted to see what you had seen.

I wanted to hear what you had thought.

I wondered what compelled you to glance my way?


A mold of a time so impersonal,

Where I could only count on the one and only…

and I was worth the wrinkle underneath your eye?


You got me thinking it would be alright to be a loveable,

Gullible, trustful, optimistic woman of this world.

Because through your eyes I’m only a reflection.

I liked the way you looked at me because

In your eyes I felt so sweet.


That was all I ever needed.

Your eyes were a soul changer for me.


Poetry by: NC Marisa Phanord

Art provided by My Modern Metropolis

Just for a moment

Just for a moment you’ll want me/
flaunt me/ and forever and ever
just taunt me/ saying that you’ll love me /
but when we’re in town I’m just a friend/
pending/ whether if we’re really in love/ or just maybe
you want me just because…..

Ever been In a relationship or thought you were or hoped that “this” was real?

That is what this is about.

Getting over the 1st LOVE: from the perspective of never having it: Cheerleading


From a person who has never been in love with someone, love seems like a very scary thing to do.

Love seems like a monster wrapped in a M&M costume. It looks sweet, so you assume that it is, and then you lunge for a bite. You eat and eat until you get filled up with its “sweetness”. When your stomach becomes bloated with its chocolaty goodness so much that you can either: get sick from (break up) or you will never stop eating (continue to love) that M&M monster.

Love can be a blessing and it can be a curse. Wouldn’t you agree?

Although this society uses this word lightly, it’s important to understand its weight.  Google defines love as an “intense feeling of deep affection”. In my life, I have experienced intense liking of a person. I would think about that person all day, I would day dream him, and have urges to talk to him. Even when you like a person, you go through a whole range of emotions and that’s exhausting in itself!

For the sake of those who have lost a love (not in a postmortem way) this post is for you.

“I am glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say.”
― Daphne du MaurierRebecca

As many of you may know YOU ARE ENTITLED TO FEEL HOW YOU FEEL.

Do you feel hurt? It’s fine.

Are you angry? That’s alright.

Feeling  depressed? It’s understandable.

You miss him/her? That’s normal.

Just take all those emotions and feel it to the fullest. Let it run it’s course.

And when you are going down this path, there are few things to keep in mind:

  1. This is a road you should travel for short period of time. Why? Because pity parties aren’t fun. 
  2. This is the most reasonable time where you can analyze, rationalize, be irrational, and act crazy at the Same Damn Time! (express whatever it is that you want so that you’re heart isn’t as heavy.)
  3. Understand that you may never get the closure that you want. You just have to do what you must to be at peace with yourself.
  4. Depending on how great this love was…there will always be residual feelings left behind.

*If you allow it, UR ❤ will heal *

I believe that when you try to suppress your feelings, it always has a way of resurfacing bitterly. Bitter in the sense that the memory is so intense that you “relive” it all over again. You shouldn’t allow negativity control you like that. If I am making this sound  like this an easy thing to do then I am sorry because it’s not.

This process of “letting go” consists of:

    1. Time. (As time goes by it’s get better to breathe.)
    2. Support. (It helps to have  real and supportive friends listen to you and give you advice. For the times that you are weak it’s a blessing to have someone who is going to be strong for you and to not judge you. Just talk about it! just not to death lol)
    3. Growing Pains. (Life has taught you a lesson. You just have to find it. Accept it. But you don’t necessarily have to understand it.)
    4. Forgive. (Forgive so that you don’t regret.)
    5. Press on. (You have to press on through the hurt so that you don’t remain in a rut.)
    6. Don’t give up.Ever. (Let love happen again. Let someone love you)
    7. Don’t compare. (Everyone loves a different way. If you look for qualities of your EX in another person you might a) have the same problem or b) hurt the one you’re with now or c) lose out on something good.)

There is no time table when going through “the process”  because it varies for everyone.

ADVICE: Fake it until you make it. If you pretend to be happy> and you do things that could make you happy> you just might be able to be happy again.

Although I never experienced a heart break I have been a friend to one how has been. Sometimes sincere advice from a completely different perspective on a matter can help.

I hope I helped. If you like this post then like it please. Share it. Also, please leave a comment and/or ask me anything.

The New Guy’s Plate

by N.C.-Marisa Phanord

He kissed me with his sweet words, when I really needed it.

I just ate it up because I was mind hungry.

I was craving for some understanding, for some love, and just hungry for some meaningful words.

In the beginning, I just wanted a little taste .

So, can I taste it??

Is that so wrong?

The last dude I was with, he’d always whip up a nasty batch;

my palette was tired of the same ol’ spoiled taste.

Can’t I just satisfy my appetite with him?

The new guy?

He seems to hate to serve me cold dishes.

He always rewards my praises with sweet, sweet kisses.

He also knows that I love his desserts,

but when he messes it up with his bitter words,

he throws it out and starts over from scratch.

From the way this new guy cooks:

He uses the best ingredients, with the utmost of care.

He’s willing to carry the heaviest of pots.

He’s flexible in the sense that he’ll take my suggestions on how to make his dishes better,

but he isn’t hesitant to tell me when he ‘got it’.


I like this new guy’s dishes.

I wonder what else is on his plate?