Soul Changer

If you want to see more of these beautiful paintings…click this image. Thank you My Modern Metropolis for hosting such a site of such beauty and awe inspiring art.

I don’t know why you looked at me

The way you did,

It was as if you saw something in me

that I couldn’t see in myself.

And I might not ever get the chance to thank you,

But in the occasion of the moment

When your gaze fell upon me,

It moved me.


I wanted to see what you had seen.

I wanted to hear what you had thought.

I wondered what compelled you to glance my way?


A mold of a time so impersonal,

Where I could only count on the one and only…

and I was worth the wrinkle underneath your eye?


You got me thinking it would be alright to be a loveable,

Gullible, trustful, optimistic woman of this world.

Because through your eyes I’m only a reflection.

I liked the way you looked at me because

In your eyes I felt so sweet.


That was all I ever needed.

Your eyes were a soul changer for me.


Poetry by: NC Marisa Phanord

Art provided by My Modern Metropolis


What does it mean?

I wonder if any one realizes how fast time zooms by?

We just sit around and idolize people who have never intentionally made an impact in our lives and sincerely don’t care to put a pen to your name. We just idle around and watch Toyota’s in the Pacific and watch brothers of sisters of mothers and fathers bodies wash ashore sitting on our bottoms. Why aren’t we doing anything? Why am I not reacting? What does this mean?

Time just go,go, and goes without me. It sleeps without me. Eats without me and it definitely travels without me. If I wanted to chill it wouldn’t chill with me. If I wanted to rewind, it wouldn’t allow that; and if I wanted a repeat…just forget about it. What is sad about this relationship is that none of us wants to change. So we won’t. What does that mean?

I’m satisfied and halfway content. Just looking for the next circus tent. What does that neem?

I accept my life and all that I allow in my life. That includes both types of consequences. However, life is short and I stagger and pause too much, too similar to a rut. I need a new location and a new vocation and a right and left hemisphere renovation to finally think more clearly. What does this mean?

What is life?
Life is about time and reaction. Don’t use it inefficiently or recklessly but if you do just try not to regret it. But I must ask,
What does this all mean?

Goodbye, Because I Never

I never not wanted your love.

I wanted your hugs.

I wanted your feel.

I never not wanted your touch.

I never wanted to cry.

I wanted to walk down the isle.

I wanted to soar.

I never wanted to crash.

I never wanted to be pitied.

I never wanted to be a bondage.

I never wanted to become Jane Doe.

I never wanted to just leave and go.

But being with you…

Well, I’ll never……


by N.C.-Marisa Phanord

When he says “I love you”, You say “then show me”.

And before he can think up something on his own, you should tell him your criteria, you should  tell him:

I don’t want your kind words. only.

I don’t want your kisses. only.

I don’t want your hugs. only.

I don’t want your money. only.

I don’t want your time. temporarily.

I don’t want you to put me on a pedestal. temporarily.

I don’t want you as my ideal man. temporarily.

But what I do want is a man who cherishes me at all times.

He won’t be perfect but he will be consistently trying his best.

He will want to listen to me about anything.

He will want to take care of me, even though he doesn’t have to;

like when I am sick, going through hard times, or made a mistake.

He will always want to  be as honest as he can.

He will always want to maintain my trust.

He will want me to be the best woman I can be and help me do that.

And of course, He will be no general man,

able to appease any woman’s love plans, once he has me.

The man who I love will overall be:

kind, patient, forgiving, persistent, willing to repent, always maturing, and most importantly God-fearing.

He will not cause me to sin, and will not allow me to do the same to him.

He will love God more than anything. It is then I will trust him.

Once you lay down all the rules, see if he is still there trying to love you.

My Life, Right Now, and Boys

               It seems as though as I age, the more refine I become. It seems as though as I age, the more beautiful I become. I’m not trying to be conceited, I don’t want to be perceived as vain; All I wanted to express is how I feel about myself now. When growing up I was always told how “beautiful” of a girl I was but back then I didn’t truly believe it. The only time I believed it was when my daddy told me so. It was the last couple of years in elementary school when I started to gain weight, develop, and all the other things that could make a child feel insecure. It was also around that time when my parents started, what seemed like harping, to address my weight issue. “you need to exercise… You would look better..”

                With my parents, I know that they were legitimately concern for my health due to family history but even knowing that those comments still effected me throughout middle school. I wore long pants (even though we didn’t have to), long skirts (not really in style), long sleeved shirts… Nothing can be uncovered. But fortunately in 8th grade, due to certain events, that I had a break through. And my break through made me realize that I don’t have to feel pressure to change myself for the sake of others. I love my body as it is or smaller or even a little bigger.

              Now, I’m not going to take you through my whole life story through high school but I’m going to tell you about how I’m feeling about myself these days. I feel beautiful. But there are those day when I feel the ugliest, the fattest, and meanest but I’m just a girl. It’s a girls thang.

            But anyways, because I’m so cute 😛 I’ve been getting hollers a lot lately by boys around my age. I had to be specific about the type of boys hollering because even when I was little, like 14 years old, grown men with children would try and talk to me all the time. It was so bad that until this year (‘09-‘10) that I thought I can only get an older man…sigh…smh…:/ But now the boys my age, 19 and up are trying to talk, I don’t know how to react. In high school I never experienced that. I always thought that because I am so tall ( 6’1) that no one wanted to date me but I’ve found that to be untrue. Despite that realization, I feel a little intimidated by boys interested in me because it feels as though I can feel there intent in my soul and my soul is telling me that they aren’t up to no good.

              I’m not the type to like the feeling of intimidation so I fight back. The only way, I believe, to fight the uneasiness these boys give me is build up my confidence more. What do you think? Can you relate? What advice do you have for me?

Why Haven’t there an Audio Push?

There is something coming from the west and it think it’s Audio Push. Audio Push is a Cali-rific rap group based in the west coast. Yes they can do they dougie and yes they can reject and the jerk. I’m not really into the whole hip-hop scene  but they make want to think it over again.

What I like about them:

  1. They are cute.
  2. They have charisma. When you watch their videos you can’t help but to dance with them and sing along. When they smile, I smile. When they joke, I laugh…You get it.
  3. They don’t curse. At least the music from them, that  I’ve heard, they don’t.
  4. They are lyrically in tune. I love the creativity  in their lyrics. They are mature and I would say that they are the older brothers of New Boyz.
  5. The last reason why I like them is because they can dance. I love guys that can dance. Why? I don’t know. The other day my friend and I were trying to figure out why we love it. Is it the confidence? The freedom that they express? The moves that they can do? All I know is that it’s sexy. 🙂

To end this short post let me say this: They are an awesome group and they need to be signed, if not already. They need to be on every states radio, if not already. I’m just so passionate about them and I hope they do well and keep posting videos on Youtube. Here’s some videos:


The night before my 19th b-day I went to FIU (Florida International University) because at that school they were having a spring concert. A whole bunch of local artist came through (mostly unknown) including Piccalo. So what about Jeremih, right? Well, Jeremih came out on to the stage @ exact 12 o’clock a.m. My birthday March 27. I’m so happy that my friend Adri invited me and some other friends to come to her school that day. I had another friend, Tisha, who was celebrating her birthday early too on the 29th …she loves jEREMIH …She was happy ;). Here are some video of that night enjoy.

 Rate this post at the top of the page. thax ~NcMerci

A Random Thought: About Borrowing

Have you ever borrowed something from somebody?

If you answered “yes” then there is a chance that you’ve borrowed something over long periods of time. I’m not pointing any fingers at anyone and I’m definately not excluding myself from this generalization. To tell you the truth I’ve recently returned  my sisters extra iphone (that I borrowed for almost a month) only because she mentioned that I had it for a long time. *sigh*

  As a matter of fact, that isn’t even the point of this post, the duration of your borrowing ways but it’s remembering the condition that you recieved the item. Often when an item is lent to you, you’d want to  return it the way you found it(or is that just me?) But what if you can’t remember how that leaf blower was working two years ago when you “borrowed” it from Tim? what happens? I’ll tell you what happens:

  1.  You start making a fuss because you don’t remember that scratch being on the screen of that phone.
  2.  Then you start to seriously worry about how the rightful will react.
  3. Then you’ll start to try to fix the problem yourself. Now this work out two ways:  A. You fix the problem or B. You can’t fix it and you’ll have to tell the owner.
  4. Once you’ve completed step 3 you’re dealing with the owner. Here’s what can happen in this step:
  • The owner won’t know the difference
  • The owner will be upset that you messed up the borrowed item (and took forever to return it)
  • You’ve just wasted time and money fixing what was already messed up. Remember that episode of the Jamie Foxx Show when Fancy (Jamie’s girlfriend) asked Jamie  to pick up the BMW that she just bought with him going around town with it and he still went around town, got the car towed and had to pay for a scratch on it that was already there?

So what’s the point of this post?

All I’m saying is that people like me, who like to borrow things for a period of time, need to work on that trait because it can be costly and make us do unnecessary things like Jamie who paid to remove a scratch that was already there. What y’all think? rate and post a comment. Deuces!

Dear Fashion, Please get Real for me

     This here is a piece about a young woman of size & height and the injustice done to her in the fashion industry. You’ve heard the complaints but you’ve yet to hear mine.

     I’m an 19 year old girl,  who is 6’0 ft. tall,  and wears a size 12  shoes (in women) still somewhat struggling to feel A—mazing about herself.  While growing up (both figuratively and literally) it was difficult having a good self-esteem about myself. When I entered middle school and all the way through high school  I was always one or the tallest girl around. It was hard walking down the hallways and not seeing many girls like me which was or is tall, on the chubby side, big feet, insecure, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Don’t worry the complaining stops there. I just wanted you to know what I was going through.  My sophmore year in High school, I joined track and field in high school and threw shotput and discus. It was there that I saw girls like me, and looked similar to me in more than one way.It was nice to be in a sport where my insecurities are ‘GODsend” to somebody else. At some point in my life, maybe freshman year, I decided  to stop denying myself from happiness, comfortably, and self-confidence.If they love me for me, why can’t I?  I mean, can you image a 6’0ft person with size 8 feet!? that’s just crazy!

I know that the confident road isn’t always always the easiest road to tred, especially when every little negative thing can cause you to relapse. But I have to do, with the help of God, what I have to do to be happy and focus on someone else, rather than myself.

Issues with the Fashion Industry

Ladies you know how a new hair-do can change how you are feeling about yourself right? Clothes and shoes have the same power!

  • If I’m  wearing a jeans that emphasizes my booty….Then i’m alright for the day. What I hate about shopping for pants is that they are never long enough and if they are long they sit on my hips. Why would anyone want to be flooded? or wear short pants if they aren’t caprices?  or willing want to show a butt crack? People make fun of people for being flooded, with a butt crack and all that is just so embarrassing. and I don’t like being embarrassed.
  • Okay now onto shirts. I am not a A or a B. I am on the upper half of the bra size spectrum (I’m not attacking :l) and when I see a cute shirt at the mall I want to try it on. However,I have an issue with the shirts that already have the cups size sewed in? [you get me?] Those shirts never look good on me. (do you have any experience with that? what’s your issue with clothes)
  • Shoes…Most stores don’t go that high……………………………………. >:c enough said

So I was talking to my friend, while we were at the mall and I was telling her how I wish I had her hips. She said ” no you don’t. They cause too much problems and I can never find pants….and I got a booty”

Then I thought to myself ‘why should she not like her hips for those reasons? Isn’t it easier to change the fabrics on a cloth then your body?’

Well anyway, Fashion please get real for me.

Chris Brown In Miami For the Super Bowl 2/7/10

So how about Chris Brown is in Miami!! My hometown and I really really really really want to see him! OMG he is like an amazing artist. He can dance, sing, ehhh and act and for those reasons I love him!!! I would love to be his friend. He seems like a fun a person to hang out with.
Y’all probably thinking “yea right” but i’m serious I would want to be his friend.

Anyways, Me and my friends went to South Beach last night. And while moving through the slow pace traffic I knew my friend (a super fan too) and Iwere looking for him in the many cars that occupied the streets…Sad i know.( Please Don’t agree with me). But this morning when I awoke I searched the internet to see where he was at and he was hosting something, a battle between T-Pain and Tommy Lee?

Oh well. I wanna meet him! Yup you know dis?

peace, NcMerci